The Ultimate Alarm Clock

Lesson 61: Your children will never again wake up in a sour mood again

Photo created by author using DALL-E3

Do your children have difficulty waking up in the morning? Do you have to remind them five times to get out of bed so they don’t miss the bus? Or once they are up, are they drowsy, unproductive, and in a sour mood?

Keke (author of Keke’s Guide to Training Your Human) is running a limited-time offer: the Rent-a-Puppy Alarm Clock. When it’s time to get up, simply rub some KONG Stuff'N Sweet Potato Spread Dog Treat on your children’s faces and then let Rent-a-Puppy loose in their beds. Your kids are guaranteed to wake up in an excellent mood. We promise there will be no trace of Sweet Potato Spread on their faces when Rent-a-Puppy is done, but the smile will last for hours.

Okay, you’ve accomplished two steps out of three: They’re awake, and they’re in a good mood. Now, how do you get them out of bed?

Our patented Barf Alarm is just the thing, and it’s included free with every Rent-a-Puppy Alarm Clock. Set the Barf Alarm timer before you let the puppy loose. When wake-up time is reached, the puppy’s collar will emit sounds like a puppy retching, which then escalates to a full-on barf. Your kids will be fighting for the door in no time.

BUT WAIT… there’s more!

Photo by author

Do your children have difficulty falling asleep at night? Too wound up? Too stressed about exams?

Forget melatonin, meditation, bedtime stories, and boring nights in front of “cool-down” T.V. programs. How about a warm, soft puppy to lull your insomniac to sleep? For a limited time, you’ll receive our patented “Rub-a-Puppy Fuzz Therapy” for free with every Rent-a-Puppy Alarm Clock. A proven way to reduce stress, forget worries, and recover from an evening of binge-watching Stranger Things.

Kid-recommended, puppy-approved

P.S.: Want to own your puppy alarm system? Easy payment plans are available. 

"We work for treats!"

But act now - supplies are limited!