Takin’ Care of Business

Lesson 86: What good is a job if it keeps you from your puppy?

Keke has her lambchop and she’s not afraid to use it!

You humans are sure messed up sometimes. You get up early in the morning to shower (and whatever takes an hour in the bathroom while I struggle to hold my bladder). Then, after a brief walk you leave me, your best friend and family pup, behind to go to some mysterious “job.” From the nightly kvetching sessions, employment is your excuse to whine while you dine.

And for what? You sit in a chair, staring at a glowing screen. You call it “work.” I call it a couch potato without the couch.

Next, you tell me you’re bringing home the bacon, but why do I see so little of it? Hey, I’m a sucker for a crispy piece of Jimmy Dean Applewood Smoked Premium, but after you spend all day trying to find it, where does it go? Not on my plate.

And I wouldn’t mind all the hours spent on the daily grind if you moved on occasionally past Dunkin Donuts Original Blend. How about a Starbucks Toasted Coconut Mocha once in a while?

You mumble about “deadlines” and “meetings,” but I have a schedule, too: a walk at seven, breakfast at eight, snack time at ten, and meetups with Flash and Liesel in the afternoon. But rarely do I see a meeting that involves belly rubs or treats.

Let’s face it: sometimes, you seem to enjoy your job. I guess it’s like I feel when I finally catch that elusive tail. Every dog has her day, huh?

Retirement

Then comes that long-awaited moment when you finally get your due. No, I’m not talking about a fresh box of Milk Bones. I mean that day when you’ve finally filled the larder with enough smoked cured pork that you can quit your job and spend all day on the couch watching sports. Or Game of Thrones. (Two flavors of the same meat, eh?)

The essential point is that no one is there demanding you do their bidding, so you finally get to do what you want! And what do you do? Spend more time with me? I don’t think so.

I recently met a neighbor who retired and decided to start flower gardening. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate her extra time outdoors, but why spend so much energy planting things she can’t even eat? My strategy is much simpler: dig up the yard, and voilà! Instant treasure hunt!

I know another retiree (ahem!) who spends most of his day in front of a computer banging out stories about his dog. No kidding. I mean, he hardly has time to play fetch with his dog. (And I’m not naming names, but this is one seriously fun little puppy!)

Life should be about chasing balls, rolling in the grass, and stealing socks from the laundry basket. So, dear humans, when you retire, take a page from the puppy playbook:

• Ditch the spreadsheets and word processors.

• Embrace the slobbery kisses.

• Live life like every day is a walk in the park.

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