Happy First Birthday, Keke!

Lesson 73: The ultimate guide to celebrating ME

Keke is the Queen of Everything!

Can you believe it? This Saturday (April 20, 2024) is my first birthday!

I know what you’re thinking: “OF COURSE I know it’s Keke’s birthday! I’ve had it marked with golden milk bones on my calendar all year because I’d NEVER want to miss the biggest celebration day EVER! Because what could be more important than the day when the cutest, funniest, and funnest puppy in the world turns ONE YEAR OLD?”

I’m sure you have all kinds of plans, gifts, and party ideas in mind. Still, just in case you're a few ideas short, I’ve compiled this handy guide to ensure my special day is the most spectacular possible.

1. Pamper me like royalty

Let’s start with the basics, shall we? I expect the royal treatment from sunrise to sunset and beyond. You can begin my day with a luxurious bath featuring organic, lavender-infused shampoo (none of that generic stuff, please), followed by a fluffy towel wrap and gentle blow-dry. And don't forget the post-bath massage, complete with black cherry merlot-scented paw balm.

2. Fashion-forward

No birthday would be complete without the perfect outfit. I envision a bespoke ensemble tailored to showcase my impeccable sense of style. Think designer doggy couture, complete with sparkling accessories and a tiara, befitting my status as the reigning cuteness queen.

3. Culinary delights fit for a queen

A true celebration requires gourmet cuisine, and I have discerning tastes. Whip up a feast fit for a queen, featuring my favorite dishes—perhaps some succulent, grain-free steak with Béarnaise sauce accompanied by potatoes Lyonnaise. And let's not forget the pièce de résistance: a delectable dog-friendly birthday cake adorned with edible flowers and personalized with my name in pink frosting.

4. Walks in the most spectacular places

For my birthday walks, I expect only the most bougie places, accompanied by fashionable celebrities like Gonker from Dog Gone, Mickey’s friend Pluto, and, of course, Taylor Swift. I’m thinking maybe a special parade down Main Street, U.S.A., in the Magic Kingdom, with yours truly flanked on both sides by Disney stars of all eras.

Speaking of Eras, I can jet-set to Paris in the evening for a walk down the Champs-Élysées with Tay. She’ll want to give me a personal tour of her favorite shops, such as Louis Vuitton, Hermès, and Dior. I’m flexible; whatever Tay wants. It doesn’t all have to be about me. (JUST KIDDING—of course it does!)

A walk with my bestie, Tay

5. Paw-some entertainment

After we explore the glittery shops of Paris, I expect Tay will want to give a personal performance just for me and a few hundred of my closest friends, ending with her and a few surprise guests singing “Happy Birthday Dear Keke” in four-part harmony. I’m thinking maybe Colbie Caillat, Ed Sheeran, and B.o.B. It should be no big deal for my besties to arrange, right?

6. Gifts galore

Last but certainly not least, let’s talk presents. Now, this is where you, dear readers, can shine. I have compiled a meticulously curated wishlist on Pinterest that is guaranteed to make my tail wag. The options are endless, from plush toys and gourmet treats to stylish accessories and cozy beds. Just remember, it’s the thought that counts—as long as you wrap each gift in crunchy wrapping paper with love (and adoration).

So there you have it, dear readers—the ultimate guide to celebrating ME in all my glory. As my first birthday approaches, I trust you will spare no expense in ensuring every moment is tailored to my liking. After all, a puppy of my caliber deserves nothing but the best. Now, let the countdown to the most memorable birthday bash of the year be unleashed!